THE MINDSET BEHIND SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIPS

In our relationships, we can choose to see the positive in others or focus on the negatives. Here Radhanath Swami shares an analogy, which illustrates the best mindset to cultivate in a relationship.

“There is a beautiful analogy about the honeybee and the fly. It teaches us a valuable lesson to improve our relationships and quality of life.

The honeybee flies from flower to flower, extracting only the nectar without disturbing the flower. The mindset of a honey bee is to seek the essence of each flower. Even in a place filled with rotting garbage rather than giving its attention to all the filth, the honeybee keeps its focus on finding nectar and it eagerly flies to even a single tiny flower amidst miles of garbage.

In our relationships, we have much to learn from the honeybee; it teaching us the art of focusing on the positives and dealing appropriately with the faults in each other.

There will be faults everywhere and in everyone, there is never a shortage of things to complain about, but just as the honeybee seeks nectar even in the most unexpected of places, we can aim to seek the positive quality in those around us.

The fly represents another type of mindset in a relationship. Although each species can be appreciated and respected for its particular instinctive nature, still, we can study them to learn relevant lessons to improve the quality of our own lives. On an otherwise healthy body, the fly will focus on sucking an infectious scab. The fly may travel over hundreds of flowers, but what does it focus on? It focuses on tasting garbage and excrement. It ignores the sweet fragrance of rose gardens and even in the best of circumstances, and in the spotless places, the fly will focus on the trash.

This represents the mindset of ignoring the good qualities in those around us and focusing on their faults. It is so easy; it requires no effort to see the flaws in others. Fault finding is a habit, the more we give in to it, the more we become obsessed with it.

In relationships it is important to have honest, well-wishing communication focused on appreciating the positive while dealing with the negatives in a gracious, constructive manner. Trying to bring out the best in each other.

In doing so we learn to recognize the positive qualities within ourselves and to overcome unhealthy low self-esteem.

Honeybee mentality or fly mentality. The choice is yours, to be a human-fly or a human-bee!”